


Madoka Meme-ica

by HomuraAkememes1000



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Being Sayaka is Suffering, Futanari, Hypocrisy, Piss, Time Prison, callout posts, existential justification, homura has a twitter?, homura steals memes, kyoko is a shitposter, moon destruction, shitposting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:54:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26379904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomuraAkememes1000/pseuds/HomuraAkememes1000
Summary: Ok, just who is it, particularly, that thinks this show-for-dimwits is so 'great'?... because it ain't.A Post-Rebellion story chock full of shitposting and memes. 3 chapters long. don't question it.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Justification

Timeline: ????  
Date: ????  
Location: Mami Tomoe's apartment.

Homura set her teacup down, and looked Mami in the eyes as she began to speak.

"Everything that we know and love is reducible to the absurd acts of chemicals, and there is therefore no intrinsic value in this material universe."

Mami looked at her, for a mere moment, gazing into her eyes as she pondered. After a minute, she set her own cup down, smiled, and replied, 

"Hypocrite that you are, for you trust the chemicals in your brain to tell you they are chemicals. All knowledge is ultimately based on that which we cannot prove. Will you fight? Or will you perish like a dog?"

This shook Homura, although it couldn't be seen on her face, as countless timelines of interaction with Mami had helped her to always maintain a look of composure and neutrality. She stood up, and gazed down. "I have to go" she spoke calmly, before blinking out of existence, presumably to find a tall rooftop where she would have a panic attack.

In a twist of dramatic irony, Mami fell to Charlotte the next day.

\-------------------------------------------------------  
Later

Homura wasn't sure what to do, but she had to do something, looking down at Kyoko, who had faceplanted herself against the sidewalk. Homura was unsure if she was in a food coma or not, but her actions seemed to clearly mourn Mami.

"May I ask what you're doing?"

Kyoko didn't move, but mumbled "Lying on the sidewalk, tongue against the concrete, until the whole world dissolves like an uncoated pill".

Well, that was bizarre, even for Kyoko. "......Are you ok?" Homura asked, warily.

The girl moved at last, shifting to face Homura. "One day, you'll be face to face with whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe, and you'll have to justify the space you've filled".

Homura was silent, once again blinking away to ponder the conversation that had just taken place.

\---------------------------------------------------------------  
Sometime after the events of the Rebellion

Homura opened her eyes. She had remembered those conversations, from that timeline.....out of the blue. Huh. That was bizarre. Homura was given little time to think on it, however, as a blue blur came crashing through the walls, and into her room landed Sayaka Miki, fully adorned in her magical girl outfit, a sword in each hand. She had regained her memory. Again. This was becoming troublesome.

"Hmmm......" Homura shifted her attention, although Sayaka had never been worthy of it, truth be told.

"Alright Homura, I've got you! I'm gonna make you pay for what you've done!"

That wasn't what actually came out of Sayaka's mouth, but Homura had done this song-and-dance several times already, and she was familiar enough with Sayaka, so she knew it was some pretentious, heroic dreck coming out of the bluenette's mouth. Hmmm, maybe Kyoko was onto something back then.......

Clap.

It was a light clap, but loud enough to be heard, and when it occurred, reality seemed to glaze over for a millisecond, before turning over completely to a background of the stars themselves, endlessly colliding and whistling like an interstellar fireworks display. Sayaka was in her school uniform, her Soul Gem nowhere in sight, a large muzzle fitted over her mouth, and her hands and feet tied with chains that disappeared into the nether. Before her stood Homura, decked out in her full demonic regalia, wings outstretched, with stray feathers blowing about as if the two were in the eye of a tornado. Homura was glaring at Sayaka, dripping with malice. Sayaka tried to speak but found her mouth, her tongue, her vocal chords themselves unable to move, despite the muzzle actually not gagging her in any way, an invisible chokehold on her ability to communicate.

"You have regained your memory 24 times, Miki Sayaka. I have had to erase your memory every time." Each word reeked of hate, any semblance of mere annoyance gone. "Additionally, Madoka has regained her memories and attempted to re-ascend 13 times. All of them occur sometime after you regain your memories. It's as if you regain your memories, and then subsequently set out to make Madoka regain hers......"

Homura looked at her prisoner inquisitively, and the grasp around Sayaka's faculties was released. "What the hell?! Y-you think I've been doing that? No way! It's just a weird coincidence, that's all!"

Homura sighed, but the release was devoid of expression, and Sayaka felt the silencing magic return, stronger, seeming to almost hurt this time. "Your denial is damning. A pitiful defense....though I didn't really expect much better from you".

That stung Sayaka a little. "Miki Sayaka, do you know what a meme is?"

Sayaka snapped to attention, confused. "Huh? Sure I do, it's-"

Silenced once more. "Alright, well, anyways. I'm getting incredibly tired of dealing with you. I wonder...." Homura paused pulling Sayaka's Soul Gem out from seemingly nowhere "It's possible that I could just write you out of existence entirely, and end my troubles....." Her gaze went back to Sayaka, devoid and almost glazed over.

"Miki Sayaka. You have been far too troublesome. However, as you are Madoka's friend, I'm going to give you one chance." She turned her full attention to Sayaka, putting the full force of her power into her stance. "Justify your existence to me. Convince me that it is a good idea to let you exist in this reality".

Sayaka felt her tongue wiggle, and knew she was being told to speak. This was it. Do or die, no turning back now. "Well...." she started.

\---------------------------------------------------------------  
Sayaka stopped. Man, her tongue hurt, say nothing of her brain. Wracking her mind for hours, coming up with reasons for Homura to spare her. Homura seemed annoyed again, and, curiously, a little tired.

"................Thank you for your wonderful oratory, Miki Sayaka. I see that the eloquence and skills championed by Tomoe Mami and Shizuki Hitomi have clearly fallen on deaf ears."

Sayaka was too exhausted to try and reply, or react in any way,

"Nevertheless, your will to exist is quite strong. I shall honor it by sparing your existence."

Sayaka perked up a little. She'd done it!

"However....."

Uh oh. That wasn't good.

"You have still caused me immense trouble. So, I cannot allow you to exist in the same realm as Madoka and the others, for safety's sake."

Sayaka could feel the silencing magic return, as she wondered. What would happen to her?

As if her mind was being read, Homura gave a slight grin, replying, "I'm going to put you somewhere you won't be found. Somewhere you won't be able to reach Madoka, or anyone else, ever again."

Reality shifted, this time to Mami's apartment. Homura and Madoka were together, arms around each other's shoulders. Mami, Nagisa, and Kyoko were on the other side of the main table, happily eating and enjoying each other's company. But, strangely, there was no life to this moment. It was still, like a frame of a movie, and devoid of color-filled only with black, white, and gray. Sayaka couldn't move save her eyes, but the chains were still there, and a quick glance proved they still eventually faded away into nothing at the ends. Devil Homura was nowhere to be seen, until her voice came out, booming and all around

"There have been past timelines where, on occasion, you inquired as to what it was like to be in a world of stopped time. I've decided to finally let you experience it. In this world, no one can hear you, no one can see you, and no one can feel your touch. This is the cost of being allowed your existence, Miki Sayaka. I hope you enjoy."

Homura's voice faded away, and Sayaka felt a tear begin to emerge, helplessly stuck in the void of time.


	2. TIME PRISON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayaka is rescued from TIME PRISON, and details what happened to her

Homura's Rebellion had failed. Despite putting Sayaka Miki in TIME PRISON, Madoka had managed to regain her memories, and kept them around this time long enough to resist Homura and bring Nagisa and the rest of the Holy Quintet together to fight and defeat Homura. Homura fled, somewhere into the stars. Finding her was put on hold, as the group needed to find and rescue Sayaka. After intense searching through the cosmos, Madoka was able to channel the power to reach Sayaka, and bring her back into the world.

\----------  
Now  
\----------  
"Sorry it took us so long to rescue you from TIME PRISON, Sayaka" Kyoko spoke, concerned for her friend. "So what happened to you in TIME PRISON"

Sayaka took a deep breath. "Well...."

"After 50 years I started to feel like i was losing my sanity then the Clara dolls started to break my fingers then they would just break my fingers and set them again. They started breaking all my bones. They broke every bone in my hands. They broke my arms, separately, and then they started to break my ribs. They broke my femurs, It took a while. And then I healed and they broke them again. After 5000 years my bones were all scar tissue. They had all grown so solidly back together that I was unable to move. And after another 5000 years of furious infinites movement, I built up enough muscle mass to spontaneously break any bone in my body, and then I could move again. My body had done so much healing that I healed almost instantly. That is all I do now. Every time I move my body, my bones shatter and heal back into my next shape. If I take a single step every bone in my legs shatters and then reforms. I don't know what pain is because I have been alive 10 million years."

There was silence, then Madoka spoke up. "Ok sayaka but it looks like you're just walking normal"

"I know"

"Ok well that's stupid"

Nagisa spoke up suddenly "holy shit"


	3. Chapter 3

The Rebellion had ended. Homura had fled somewhere beyond the realms of imagination. Sayaka had been rescued from TIME PRISON. After long, countless days of searching for Homura, the Holy Quintet (plus one Nagisa Momoe) decided (to Madoka's severe dismay) to end their search. It hadn't helped that Madoka was the only one who put any real effort into the search. In any case, peace had been established once more, and life began to settle. Sayaka and Kyoko were at each other's side, Madoka came down from heaven once more and starting interacting with Nakazawa, expressing her mutual feelings for him from timelines past. His reaction to being told a goddess of hope liked him was immense, understandably so. The group gave Mami and Nagisa comfort (and cheese). Kyubey was monitored, but allowed to carry on most of his business. Things were bright, and a happy ending had been achieved. 

Or so the group had thought, until one day, when the sky began to quake. The earth rumbled. The air rippled, finally culminating in the fabric of reality tearing open right outside Mitakihara. As the city looked on in a mix of surprise and fear, out of the tear stepped the greatest nightmare for many of the group. 

Homura Akemi, the Devil herself, stepped out. She was clad in her demonic regalia, and she was giant. Massive. Enormous. A towering behemoth of evil that dwarfed the entire city. Her wings blocked out the sun. The Devil had returned, big time. She lowered her gargantuan gaze towards the earth, and her mouth opened, her voice booming, cracking the streets and shattering glass.

"I've come to make an announcement. Nakazwa-kun's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, he took his human fucking shrinky-dink out, and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was 'THIS BIG', and I saw it and I thought 'that's disgusting'. So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com. Nakazawa-kun, you got a small dick. It's the size of this walnut, except way smaller, and guess what, HERE'S WHAT MY DONG LOOKS LIKE!"

To the dismay of the city, especially the Holy Quintet and Goddess of Hope watching, Homura's clothing opened up at the waist, to reveal a massive, slithery cock. It was huge. Across the city, there was a small rumbling, as the collective of Mitakihara felt their mouths dropping upon seeing Satan's ginormous girldick.

"That's right, baby! All demon, no humanity, no pillows, look at that it looks like two balls and bong!"

Giant Devil Homura's wings gave out massive flaps, and she began to rise above even further, taking to the skies.

"He fucked my wife so guess what I'm gonna fuck the Earth! That's right, this what you get, MY SUPER LASER PISS!"

But Satan's Super-Schlong aimed beyond the edges of the planet, and instead pointed itself outwards to the horizon.

"Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher! I'm pissing on the MOOOOONNN!!!!"

Homura's massive stream shot out to space, and the impact could be seen, despite it still being afternoon. 

"HOW DO LIKE tHAT, KYUBEY?! I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT!"

The, she turned back to Mitakihara.

"You have 23 hours before the piss drrroplets hit the fucking Earth, now get out of my sight, before I fucking piss onto you too!"

None could react, except for Kyubey, who looked down and whispered, "This is so illogical."

**Author's Note:**

> Why does this shitposting story have plot lmao


End file.
